Expat Lifestyle: Why San Miguel de Allende for Families? More Parents Are Choosing México’s Cultural Heart to Raise Third Culture Kids

By Doreen Cumberford

This is the first of several articles on raising expat children in San Miguel.

Have you noticed children laughing in multiple languages in the Jardin? Families sharing helado at sunset? Strollers navigating cobblestones like drunken sailors? Something is shifting in San Miguel de Allende. Many more expatriate families are choosing to raise their kids in this colonial hilltop town than ever before.

Having raised my own daughter as a Third Culture Kid in Japan and Saudi Arabia, and being married to a TCK who spent his childhood in a military family in Japan, I recognize this pattern. These parents aren’t just changing addresses. They’re choosing to raise children who will be fundamentally shaped by living between cultures.

What Makes a Third Culture Kid?

Ruth Van Reken, who co-authored the definitive book “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds,” defines TCKs as children who spend significant developmental years in a culture outside their parents’ passport country. When I spoke with Ruth last fall for my podcast, she explained that “TCKs develop a sense of relationship to all the cultures they’ve experienced, while not having full ownership in any.” She calls this “a hidden diversity.”

Lauren, a Chicago native now raising four children here, describes what’s happening with her kids as “They’re ready for anything. Open-minded, accepting, empathetic, excited about life. They don’t feel limited by a box because they know you can live and do anything you want.”

She’s describing exactly what Ruth calls the TCK gifts.

The Skills That Emerge

Ruth told me a story about her father working with Nigerians and his American organization. “He said, ‘I’ve got problems because I can always see both sides, and each side wants me to see only theirs.’”

This ability to hold multiple perspectives simultaneously is what Ruth calls being a cultural bridge. This is one of the core TCK capacities and the expat kids growing up amongst us demonstrate that. Lauren describes the school her seven-year-old son attends as “a place where they make room” for all sorts of kids, where they practice patience and kindness. What she’s describing is the kind of inclusive, relationship-based community that helps all children, but most especially TCKs who learn to belong across difference rather than despite it.

As I told Ruth during our conversation: “In México there’s an enthusiasm for the globe, for geography, for science, for climate change, for water projects. A real love and appreciation for holding the planet and the people with awe and wonder.” It’s not taught; it’s absorbed from living internationally during formative years.

Building Dual Identity

Families here aren’t trying to make their children Mexican. They’re helping them build expanded identities that hold both cultures. Lauren’s family hosts Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations while also celebrating Three Kings Day and Day of the Dead. “We’ve always done Three Kings Day with the kids,” she explains. The difference now is that it’s not just a cultural gesture but an actual lived reality.

Her youngest, Theodore, crossed the border at age one. He’s now three and a half, growing up bilingual, understanding Spanish even if he’s “a little stubborn” about speaking it. He’ll carry México in his bones in ways his older siblings won’t quite match. This isn’t about choosing one identity over another. It’s about what Ruth calls holding multiple cultural frameworks simultaneously. Children expand to contain both.

Living here in San Miguel, where we have 370 pageants and celebrations a year, where we celebrate a wonderful mixture of indigenous Chichimeca and Otomí traditions blended with Catholic faith, children can naturally absorb cultural richness simply by being present. The culture, as I told Ruth, “approaches us and invites us in” in ways I haven’t experienced elsewhere.

The Challenges Ruth Names

Ruth doesn’t romanticize the TCK experience. She’s unflinchingly honest about the costs. She shared her own story of returning to the States at thirteen, thinking she was American but knowing nothing about American adolescent culture. “I knew the kids were laughing at me,” she told me. “The shame. I felt like, what is the matter with me? Something’s wrong with me. When you don’t belong, you can feel shame.”

TCKs who move constantly can experience what Ruth calls “unresolved grief”—the accumulation of goodbyes and losses that often go unacknowledged. They can struggle with questions their monocultural peers never face: Where is home? Where do I belong? Who are my people? This is why Ruth emphasized: “If we could normalize this experience so people understand it and help our kids understand it, the kids can own it.” Parents need to help children process their experiences, validate both losses and gains, create space for grief alongside celebration.

Why San Miguel Specifically?

Lauren feared San Miguel would be too small for a Chicago city girl. The reality? “It’s small, but it’s plentiful. I have to say ‘no’ more than I can say ‘yes’.” Parents cite safety, cultural richness, community, and affordability.

But there’s something harder to quantify. As Lauren put it: “I don’t have fear about them going to school. I’m so thankful I’m not raising my kids in the US right now. No active shooter drills. How devastating for a childhood to be cloaked in things like that.”

What Parents Moving To San Miguel de AllendeNeed to Know

When families ask about making this move, the advice is consistent: hold your plans lightly, be willing to pivot, listen to your children’s fears while holding firm to your vision. Most importantly, understand you’re fundamentally reshaping how your children will see themselves and the world. Ruth explained that TCKs develop “belonging through relationships rather than geography.” Home becomes less about location and more about connection. “My belonging could be global,” Ruth said, “and not just in one place.” What draws families to San Miguel isn’t perfection, but possibility. Not ease, but richness. These kids are learning to find home in relationships rather than geography, developing the capacity to belong everywhere and nowhere at once.

These children growing up in San Miguel are becoming what our increasingly interconnected world needs: people who can see from multiple perspectives, build bridges between differences, and find common humanity across cultural divides. So, the next time you hear childish giggles in English, French or German in the Jardine, just give them a wave and a smile of encouragement for the parents and kids who have taken the risk and are giving these kids the gift of growing up here. After all, these kids are the future of our world.

To hear my full conversation with Ruth Van Reken about raising Third Culture Kids, listen to Episodes 191 and 192 of Nomadic Diaries podcast.

Next month: Education and daily life—inside the schools, language learning, and what a typical week looks like for families in San Miguel de Allende.

Doreen Cumberford is an intercultural trainer, author, and host of Nomadic Diaries podcast. She's recently created The Belonging Project, a podcast series exploring what it means to belong across cultures. Learn more at nomadicdiariespodcast.com