Expat Lifestyle - Where Everybody Knows Your Name: Finding Belonging In San Miguel

By Doreen Cumberford

A few Fridays ago, we went to Don Lupe's for an event. As I sat down Monica said “Your Usual"? She was on her way to place the order before I could answer. It somehow stopped me in my tracks. When did I suddenly become someone with a usual at a country grill in San Miguel?

Belonging is peculiar when you've chosen to live far from where you were born. We don't often talk about it directly, it feels too vulnerable, or too complex. But for those of us who've made San Miguel de Allende home, understanding the different ways we belong here can be key to feeling truly settled. For November my podcast is producing thirty episodes on the topic of Belonging. My co-author and I interviewed writers, professors, therapists, corporate trainers, teachers, counselors, and locals like Camie Fenton, our esteemed publisher of Atención News. Therefore, the topic has been living at the top of my mind for several months.

The Geography of Belonging

There's a physical belonging that comes from knowing a place. It's when your feet  know which cobblestones are loose on your street, or you've memorized which vendors have the ripest aguacates at Tuesday market. This is the belonging of muscle memory and mental maps. I remember my first months here, constantly lost, constantly consulting my phone. Now I navigate by landmarks only locals would recognize: the house with the blue door, the corner with the dog on the roof, the spot where the sun hits perfectly at four o'clock. This physical knowing is belonging's foundation.

The Community We Create

Then there's social belonging, that web of relationships we weave. Your Spanish conversation group, the friends you meet for games, the person who helped you navigate your Permanente visa. In San Miguel, we can belong to many communities: volunteer organizations, arts collectives, charitable initiatives and weekly gatherings. This belonging is active. It requires showing up, contributing, remembering people's names and stories. It's reciprocal: you belong because others include you, and you include them in return.

However, not everyone experiences the same welcome and connection. Some people are surrounded by potential connections but don't reach out or let others in.

Cultural Fluency

There's yet a deeper layer: cultural belonging. This is trickier for expats. It's understanding why the whole town shuts down for certain saints' days, catching the subtle humor in conversations, knowing when silence is more respectful than words. It's learning that "ahorita" exists in a different time dimension than "right now."

Cultural belonging doesn't mean becoming Mexican; that would be both impossible and inappropriate. Rather, it's about cultural literacy, respect, and engagement. It's learning enough to participate authentically rather than remaining a permanent observer.

Purpose and Contribution

We also belong through what we give. Whether you're teaching English, volunteering at the bibliotheca, creating art, running a business, or simply being the neighbor who waters plants when people travel, contribution builds belonging. When your presence matters to the place, the place matters more to you. We transform from tourists to visitors to residents as we find unique ways to contribute.

The Emotional Architecture

Finally, there's emotional belonging—the hardest to describe but perhaps most important. It's when San Miguel appears in your dreams. When you say "home" and mean here. When you worry about the community's challenges as if they're your own. When leaving for a trip feels like a departure rather than a return. This belonging isn't about paperwork or language fluency; it's about where your heart has decided to invest itself.

Belonging in Layers

You don't need all these layers to belong. Some people belong primarily through community, others through place, still others through purpose. Belonging isn't binary, it accumulates in unexpected ways.

The gift of San Miguel is that it allows multiple ways of belonging. You can belong here while also belonging to where you came from. You can belong partially, messily, imperfectly, and that is life well lived here, you can choose your level of belonging.

Like the TV show Cheers, belonging in San Miguel is about finding where everybody knows your name. Where or how do you feel you belong most in San Miguel? We'd love to hear your answers.

Doreen Cumberford, Transitions coach, author and host ofThe Nomadic Diaries podcast available at www.nomadicdiariespodcast.com