Expat Lifestyle: The Secret Dance Every Expat Must Learn (But Nobody Tells You About)

By Doreen Cumberford

I just got back from an eight-week trip to the United States, and it got me thinking about something we don't talk about much in our expat community.

Every place has its own rhythm, and if we want to really feel at home somewhere - not just survive but thrive, we need to learn that rhythm and dance along with it. I'm not talking about learning bachata or salsa (though those are fun too!). I'm talking about the deeper cultural dance of learning to move with the unspoken rhythms of daily life. Let's acknowledge something we expats rarely give ourselves credit for: what we're managing is extraordinary. We've uprooted our entire lives, moved to a different altitude, climate, and culture, and we're frequently juggling at least two different economies, healthcare systems, and social rules. That's not just "moving" - that's being a cultural athlete.

The Hidden MentalHealth Impact

What many don't realize is that this constant cultural switching affects our nervous system in ways traditional psychology doesn't always recognize. Our brains are wired for cultural continuity and familiar social cues. When we're constantly recalibrating between worlds, it can quietly erode our sense of safety and belonging - not trauma in the dramatic sense, but a subtle, accumulated stress that lives in our bodies.

The somatic effects are real. The differences in weather, altitude, sound, and light constantly affect how we feel. I learned this living in San Miguel's mountains and then dropping to sea level for months each year. My body must readjust every time, and that adjustment isn't just physical - it's emotional too.

The light here is completely different from Seattle, changing when we naturally sleep and wake. Even background sounds - church bells instead of traffic, birds instead of sirens—require constant mental processing. Temperature shapes how people socialize. Ever notice how different the Jardín feels at 7:00 a.m. versus 2:00 p.m. versus 8:00 p.m.? It's like the town breathes with the weather, and we need to learn to breathe with it.

Three Ways to Dance with Your New Culture

Here are three simple practices that make settling in feel less like work and more like coming home - while supporting your mental well-being:

First, become a people watcher. Before imposing our old schedules on a new place, just observe for a few weeks. When do people head to work? When do shops get busy? Watch how locals react to rain - do they rush for cover or slow down? This mindful observation helps our nervous system feel safer by making the unfamiliar more predictable.

Second, start dancing to local patterns gradually. Pick one local pattern each week and experiment with it. Could you eat the big meal at 2:00 p.m. instead of 6:00 p.m.? Could you take that sunset walk when the temperature drops and the town emerges outdoors? Maybe just understanding that "ahorita" doesn't always mean "right now" is a big leap toward cultural resonance. These small adaptations signal to our brain that we're learning to belong.

Third, design your life to flow, not fight. Maybe set up morning coffee to catch golden light across your terrace at 7:00 a.m. Plan grocery runs when vendors are relaxed and chatty, not when you're most efficient. When we stop fighting the local rhythm and start flowing with it, our stress levels naturally decrease.

When It's Working

You'll know this cultural dance is clicking when you sleep better because your body syncs with natural light patterns. There's less feeling like you're swimming upstream. Best of all, we stop being irritated by cultural differences. Instead of thinking "Why do they do it that way?" we begin to understand the wisdom behind local customs.

When this clicks into place, we don't just live somewhere - we begin to belong somewhere. You've really arrived when you feel seasons changing before the calendar tells you. This ability to "read" a place and sync up quickly becomes one of our most valuable skills as globally mobile people.

The remarkable thing about living this cross-cultural life is that we're developing emotional flexibility and resilience that serves us well beyond geography. We're learning to hold multiple ways of being in the world - a skill that's good for both our mental health and our humanity.

So give yourself credit for the extraordinary thing you're doing. Culture runs deep, and learning to dance with it is both an art and a gift.

Doreen Cumberford, author of "Life in the Camel Lane: Embrace the Adventure" and "Arriving Well," currently writing "Unsettled: When Home Doesn't Feel Like Home," a guide to repatriation after living abroad and host of "Nomadic Diaries Podcast."www.nomadicdiariespodcast.com