Expat Lifestyle - So You Think You're Just An Expat?

By Doreen Cumberford

Perhaps you're a lovepat and didn't even know it, but guess what there are also expats, repats and nextpats nowadays.

Back to lovepat. The term is relatively new terminology in global mobility circles. Standard dictionaries are not showing it, though it's gaining lots of traction among intercultural trainers, expat coaches, and global mobility professionals.

Lovepat (noun): A person who relocates to another country primarily because of a romantic relationship with someone from that country. The term combines "love" + "expat."

Normally these are people who have followed a partner across international borders. Our identities change when we cross borders and this term applies to people who are navigating dual cultural identities under their roof. Sometimes this presents unique integration challenges because one partner is frequently seeking to blend into the other partner’s family culture, language, customs and even food choices.

Their experience can vary dramatically based on whether they are adapting to a partner’s native culture or both are “third country nationals” living somewhere new together. That can look like an American moving to Mexico having married a Mexican national, or a Canadian relocating to France for a French partner, or it could be two people from different countries who met abroad and have settled into a third country together, as in my household. But here's the thing: "expat" is a great big umbrella, and underneath it we are all walking different pathways with varying identities. This period of being together in a foreign land is our cross-cultural chapter.

Many of us arriving in San Miguel de Allende call ourselves expats. Fair enough. An expatriate is simply someone living outside their native country. Here in Mexico, they call us el expatriado or simply el extranjero - the foreigner. When I hear extranjero I think of myself as an extra in the Mexican movie of life.

Having lived with the identity of expat for 50 years, it feels natural, although I think most of us have a lot to learn about the rules of the game of life as it's played in this beautiful country. Then there are the nextpats. Those are people who've already lived abroad in multiple countries, but they have consciously chosen Mexico as their next chapter. This is not their first rodeo. You might notice they're the people who don't panic when the water or electricity goes out.

Many of them have navigated infrastructure, languages, and geopolitical challenges in at least three other countries. They might be overheard comparing San Miguel to Chiang Mai, Lisbon, Saudi Arabia or China.

And repats? Those are folks who've returned "home" after years of living overseas.

Perhaps you're Canadian, US or a Brit who spent decades overseas and retired to Mexico because "home" no longer felt like home. Or perhaps you are a Mexican who has recently been repatriated under duress from the USA. Repatriation is trickier than anyone expects and deserves its own book! (Trust me, I am writing it).

Here's where it gets interesting: these aren't neat categories. You can be a lovepat and a nextpat or a repat simultaneously – who knew? Then there are Third Culture Kids – TCKs are children who grow up between cultures, being raised in a country that is not their parents' culture. They often have a sense of not fully belonging to any single place. This group is growing rapidly in San Miguel de Allende at our schools and playgrounds, building their own complex identities.

Now why does any of this matter? The point isn't to get precious about labels. It's to pause before making assumptions. When someone doesn't show up to the Biblioteca or a expat coffee, maybe they're a lovepat with Mexican in-laws visiting. When someone seems oddly unfazed by Mexican bureaucracy, maybe they're a nextpat who's done this dance before. Understanding someone's pathway helps us see their choices differently.

It is time to invite us to look around San Miguel de Allende with fresh eyes. That couple at the next table? Could they be lovepats. Your neighbor? Could be a nextpat. And that person who just can't quite explain how they ended up here?  Possibly they are a repat still figuring it all out.

Doreen Cumberford is an intercultural trainer, author, and host of Nomadic Diaries podcast. She's recently created The Belonging Project, a podcast series exploring what it means to belong across cultures. Learn more at nomadicdiariespodcast.com