Expat Lifestyle: Setting Intentions For Intercultural Living In San Miguel De Allende

By Doreen Cumberford

January in San Miguel delivers us some cool misty mornings and the annual ritual of New Year’s resolutions. But for expats, the concept of cultural goal-setting often misses the mark. Moving to México and learning Spanish is way more than logistics and vocabulary, yes, it's about connection and day-by-day personal growth.

We all arrived with eagerness and good intentions. Yes, of course we'll learn Spanish, make local friends, immerse ourselves in Mexican culture. Then reality shows up and months later, many find ourselves comfortable in the expat bubble yet disconnected from the Mexican community.

This isn't failure. It's reality. This gap exists because language barriers feel insurmountable, cultural differences confuse us, and retreating to what's familiar is easier. As intercultural expert Fons Trompenaars wrote: "A fish only discovers its need for water when it is no longer in it. Our own culture is like water to a fish. It sustains us." Living abroad forces us to see what was invisible back home.

Yet expats who invest in genuine integration report greater satisfaction and deeper friendships.

So how do we bridge this gap? Instead of ambitious resolutions that fade by mid-January, let's consider modest goals in three areas: language, relationships and customs. What about language? many of us plateau at "survival Spanish" - enough to order food but not for a significant conversation. We avoid situations where we might struggle, limiting our reality. How about committing to one genuine conversation in Spanish per week, even if it's awkward and disjointed. Could we please stop apologizing for our Spanish? Our hosts value effort far more than perfection and language fluency isn't really the point, building connection is.

It's easy to know our housekeeper's name but not her daughter's. Building relationships requires us to not only wave at neighbors but to actually sit for a coffee. These transactional relationships keep us comfortable but isolated. Invite a neighbor for coffee this month - yes, it can feel weird, but progress happens when we make the effort. The first time we invited our Mexican neighbors over we were very conscious how painful it was, for all of us, however we learned a lot and continue to persevere.  Learning one personal detail about five people who provide services in your life could be a goal. Belonging comes from being woven into community, not just being served by it.

Some Mexican customs will never feel natural to us. For example, our different relationship with time, the indirectness in communication and the volume of fiestas. Rather than adapting, we sometimes witness people’s tendency to judge.

Which Mexican custom frustrates you? Commit to understanding how it came about. Attend a traditional celebration and observe without commentary. Ask a Mexican friend to explain something that confuses you. Being culturally competent isn't about agreeing with everything, it's about sitting, watching and listening. Erin Meyer wrote in The Culture Map: "When interacting with someone from another culture, try to watch more, listen more, and speak less."

How would we know if we are making progress in living cross-culturally? Look for these signs: You handle problems without English-speaking help. You have plans with people you didn't know a year ago. You feel defensive when someone criticizes México. You're thinking "we" instead of "they." You no longer convert pesos to dollars. These shifts indicate you're moving from tourist to resident to community member.

It's also important to take the long view. Intercultural goals are often harder than expected. There will be difficult days, exhausted from navigating a second language, frustrated by bureaucracy, or even questioning why you left home. But there will also be moments when everything clicks. When a joke lands, or an invitation arrives. When "home" really and truly means here

This January, set one modest intention in each area. Write them down. Give yourself permission to struggle and progress slowly. This is the messy but beautiful work of building a life across borders.

I plan to take this advice and set more bite-sized goals for myself. Feel free to ask me what they are. But how about you? I'd love to hear your intentions to live well inside Mexican culture - let's chat.

Doreen Cumberford is an intercultural trainer, author, and host of Nomadic Diaries podcast. She's recently created The Belonging Project, a podcast series exploring what it means to belong across cultures. Learn more at nomadicdiariespodcast.com